Nothing Personal [A Romentics Novel] by Scott & Scott

Author:Scott & Scott
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Loose Id, LLC

Chapter Seventeen

Although Carlo was doing about twice the mileage Scipione was and had gone through three pairs of shoes, Kat was adamant that they had to do more. “Scipione's got supporters voting for him that aren't even alive. We've got to identify that one group of voters that would otherwise vote for Scipione unless we can shock them on their pet issues."

"Vets?” proposed Lisa. “Or the elderly?"

"Cybernerds?” said Sammy.

"Students?” suggested Asondra.

"We've got the students and the nerds,” Kat pointed out. “It's just there's not enough of them. And they don't vote."

"What about straight white guys?” Q-bit proposed. The table was quiet.

"Forget it. I don't know how to connect with straight men,” Carlo said. “What do I know about pussy and football?"

"Well, why don't you ask?” Q-bit proposed.

The next day, Carlo found himself down at the Sports Depot, a bar on the north side. He was having surreal conversations with Hercules O'Leary and a group of retirees who remembered when the Good Hope Watch Works used to be the best job in town. The men taught him the basics about football. A few of them described the pleasures of a woman's body for him. They rearranged the barstools into a line of scrimmage and diagrammed plays on cocktail napkins. Carlo asked stupid questions, and the men laughed, flattered that he was enough of a sport to play along.

Despite the apparent success of the gambit, Carlo felt inadequate when he returned to campaign headquarters. “Q-bit,” he asked, “you played football in high school, didn't you?"

Q-bit looked up from his desk. He was perusing lists of other strategically placed straight bars that Hercules O'Leary had suggested as possible targets for the straight-guy pitch.

"Pop Warner,” Q-bit confirmed. “In return for getting to take ballet lessons."

"Teach me to throw a spiral."

"I thought that's why you hung out with all those lesbians,” Q-bit snapped. “Have one of them teach you."

"They've got to take their daughter into Columbus today,” he said. “Some kind of emergency with the baby. It's got to be you, Q."

"No. Absolutely not. This girl has no intention of breaking a nail. What about Billy Lola?"

"You know I can't go anywhere alone with a teenage boy. Scipione will make me out to be a child molester."

"I'll chaperone,” Q-bit promised. He took out his cell phone and dialed his cousin's number. Billy stole a football from the high school locker room. Late Saturday afternoon, the three of them went down to the local high school field.

To his embarrassment, Carlo heaved the ball three or four times in Billy's general direction. Each time, it fell short. Billy winced. Q-bit said, “If I had a hunting rifle, I'd take that lame duck out and have it for dinner, with a pinot and cream sauce."

"Hey, Carlo!” a voice shouted.

They turned. Fiona Devlin was sitting in the bleachers like a demure high school cheerleader doting on the prom king.

"Hi, Fiona. Great to see you,” Carlo said. “You still voting for me?"

"Have you figured out what to do about that situation we talked about?"

"I've got important people working on it.

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